Grumpy Old Men (33 WAVs Found)


gom-2fish.wav
Walter Matthau as Max Goldman … “The Green Hornet strike again! Hahaha! Caught my limit! I see you only snagged one, huh?”
Jack Lemmon as John Gustafson … “Two fish are on there you moron, and you know damn well that I throw back what I’m not gonna eat!”
Max … “Oh yeah, like that 40 pound muskie you’re always yakking about…It’s a shame no one ever sees you with these monsters!”

Length
00:21
Filesize
226k

gom-bonehead.wav
Max … “Why would a woman come over at 1:30 in the morning to see you?”
John … “Just why do you think, bonehead?”

Length
00:05
Filesize
58k

gom-buttcold.wav
Burgess Meredith as Grandpa Gustafson … “I’ll tell you what’s on my mind….It’s butt cold out here, and I’m fresh out of beer!”

Length
00:06
Filesize
67k

gom-cardiac.wav
John … “You hear about Eddie Hicks?”
Max … “Hypothermia’s a bitch! Not quick like a stroke!”
John … “A stroke is no different, you could still end up like a vegetable. Give me a cardiac any day!”

Length
00:12
Filesize
126k

gom-chuck.wav
Grandpa … “Looks like Chuck’s slippin’ her the old salami!”

Length
00:05
Filesize
51k

gom-chuck2.wav
Grandpa … “Looks like Chuck’s gonna put the hot dog in the bun!”

Length
00:04
Filesize
46k

gom-chuck3.wav
Grandpa … “Looks like Chuck’s a tomcat on the prowel!”

Length
00:06
Filesize
60k

gom-chuck4.wav
Grandpa … “Looks like Chuck’s taking the old log to the beaver.”

Length
00:04
Filesize
41k

gom-chuck5.wav
Grandpa … “Looks like Chuck’s gonna bury his boner.”

Length
00:03
Filesize
29k

gom-chuck6.wav
Grandpa … “Looks like Chuck’s taking a skin boat to Tuna Town.”

Length
00:05
Filesize
51k

gom-chuck7.wav
Grandpa … “Looks like Chuck’s taking a ride in the wild baloney pony.”

Length
00:05
Filesize
50k

gom-clockme.wav
John … “Fine, you wanna clock me? You think you can take me? C’mon!”

Length
00:03
Filesize
30k

gom-colder.wav
Grandpa … “Colder than a witch’s titty out there, isn’t it?”

Length
00:03
Filesize
29k

gom-dumswede.wav
Max … “Hey watch your mouth, you dumb friggin’ Swede!”

Length
00:03
Filesize
29k

gom-eatshort.wav
Max … “Eat my shorts!”

Length
00:02
Filesize
20k

gom-filtered.wav
John … “You’re supposed to be smoking filtered cigarettes, Pop!”
Grandpa … “Yeah, well, I’m 94 years old! What the hell do I care, huh?”

Length
00:08
Filesize
82k

gom-gayorstraight.wav
Ann-Margret as Ariel Truax … “Gay or straight?”
John … “Huh?”
Ariel … “Heterosexual or Homosexual?”
John … “Geez Louise!”
Ariel … “Well, it’s a perfectly legitimate question!”
John … “Well maybe in California, but here in Minnesota … Who-ho-ho-ho!”

Length
00:14
Filesize
150k

gom-getinhere.wav
Grandpa … “Hey you two! Get your asses in here!”

Length
00:03
Filesize
31k

gom-grinch.wav
Chuck … “And how is the grinch today?”

Length
00:02
Filesize
16k

gom-holy.wav
Grandpa … “Looks like he’s gonna enter the holy of holies! Coitus Uninterruptus!”

Length
00:06
Filesize
69k

gom-laidpipe.wav
Max … “Women and fish…you could never catch either one of them, Gustafson.”
John … “I have laid more pipe in this town than Wabasha plumbing!”

Length
00:08
Filesize
83k

gom-lovely.wav
Ariel … “Ah, yes, there’s nothing like the scent of fresh tea tree, just soaking into your pores…don’t you agree?”
Max … “Lovely!”

Length
00:11
Filesize
118k

gom-mansloco.wav
Max … “You mean the lowlife, asswipe, eggsucker, John Gustafson?”
Buck Henry as Snyder … “Have you seen him?”
Max … “Man’s crazy! Loco! Always hanging around round those kinky strip bars…you know, the ones where the men take their clothes off? That’s of course, if he’s taking his medication.”
Snyder … “Medication?”
Max … “Yes, without it, he could be anywhere … wandering around, talking to the trees. Believe me, this man is a menace! Always drinking, starting fights, isn’t that right?
Snyder … “But, have you seen him?”
John … “No.”
Max … “I think perhaps, um, no no.”

Length
00:42
Filesize
450k

gom-mayor.wav
John … “Is he really going to run for mayor?”
Max … “Make a damn fine mayor, too.”
John … “Good thing he’s his mother’s son. If he looked like you, he’d never get on the ballot!”

Length
00:07
Filesize
74k

gom-morefish.wav
Max … “The green hornet’s caught more fish than you’ve lied about, Gustafson!”

Length
00:05
Filesize
49k

gom-morning.wav
Max … “Mornin’ dickhead!”
John … “Hello, Moron!”

Length
00:02
Filesize
21k

gom-mount.wav
Grandpa … “You mount the woman, son, or else, send her out to me, huh?”

Length
00:07
Filesize
76k

gom-mounther.wav
John: … “Hey, did you hear? Someone moved into the Klickner place. A woman.”
Grandpa: A woman?”
John … “Yeah.”
Grandpa … “Did you mount her?”
John … “Ahh Dad!!”
Grandpa … “Well, the woman, does she have big thighs?”
John … “No.”
Grandpa … “No?! Then what’s the problem? If I was a young feller like you, I’d be mounting every woman in Wabasha!”

Length
00:21
Filesize
227k

gom-offerher.wav
Daryl Hannah as Melanie … “C’mon Dad, you’re a handsome eligible guy, you’ve got a nice house, a good pension, you’ve got a lot to offer her!”
Grandpa … “Well, I’ve got something to offer her! Rowrrr-rowrrr!”

Length
00:09
Filesize
94k

gom-oldpal.wav
Max … “Your old pal failed you, huh Chuck?”
John … “Ohhhh, couldn’t rise to the occasion?”
Max … “Yes, the spirit was willing … “
John … “Yeah, but the flesh was, uh … “
Max … “Weak! Weak!”

Length
00:11
Filesize
116k

gom-razors.wav
Max … “Pain, he wants to talk about pain? I had a gallstone the size of a baseball!”
John … “Oh, gallstones! Yeah, gallstones are for pussies! When I had the shingles, did you see me in here complaining to Phil about it? Huh? Did you?”
Max … “Shingles, schmingles … When I had my ulcers, I was … farting razor blades!”

Length
00:20
Filesize
219k

gom-safesex.wav
John … “See, these days, they say you have to do … safe sex.”
Ariel … “John, when was the last time you made love?”
John … “October 4th — 1978.”
Ariel … “Oh, I think we’re safe … “

Length
00:20
Filesize
215k

gom-shootkid.wav
Grandpa … “Kids … Can’t live with ’em … Can’t shoot ’em!”

Length
00:04
Filesize
41k

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